Wine please! Oprah!? Dr. Phil?! Anybody!? Okay, so a little dramatic, but let’s face it, every mom has been there on the brink of losing our marbles a time or two or daily for that matter. We as mom’s are A-grade tough shit! We put our little one’s needs before our own from the time we go to bed until the time we go to sleep. If you’re anything like me maybe in your sleep too. If you can point me towards a mother who hasn’t been there, then I’ll tell you one thing and one thing only, SHE’S LYING, period. We have all been there and sometimes finding that balance between the parenting and “me time”, without losing who you are can get tough. I find this even more so for us single mothers, who don’t have the luxury of “sharing the load”. And I commend all those single mothers who have more than one, I don’t know how you do it, but you keep on you bad ass you!
Kids, so cute and cuddly and then you get to the realization of, “oh shit”, I actually have to raise a little human being. Who granted me with such a responsibility?! No seriously. Parenting comes with a lot of responsibility and I find it even more so for a single parent. We get home from work, (because hey these bills don’t pay themselves), pick up the kid/kids, get dinner started, spend time with our little ones, start our bedtime routines and tuck them in the bed, take out their school clothes, etc. etc. Now, to keep from just passing out right after I give my son a bath is rough most nights. The best thing that I have come to realize is it’s so much easier having your kid on a routine and to stick to it.
So what’s my trick? How do I manage to stay level headed? I’m flattered that you think I am. Truth is I’m not and I don’t pretend to be, but wine helps. It helps a lot haha. I found that I needed to find my balance between being a kick ass mom to my son and still working towards my dreams. I thought that I needed to put my dreams on hold, and that’s not necessarily the case. You can chase YOU and still be a great parent at the same time. A lot of times we become skilled care takers and forget to take care of ourselves. Let’s face it, some days you don’t even have the energy to comb your hair, but your child looks like a kid off of a gap commercial. It happens. Trust me! I found that the best thing has been incorporating a routine for my son and to stick to it. I get him in bed on time and then I have the time to work on the things that I need to get done, my writing for example. This is my, “I don’t have any kids time”, and it feels so liberating to find that balance and release.
Now granted, I’m not up every night after he goes down. Some nights I’m just too darn tired to lift a finger and shortly pass out afterward, but on those night that I do have the energy I take full advantage of it. My life and circumstances won’t change unless I change them. During my, “ I don’t have kids time”, I catch up on my favorite shows, read, write and do just about everything that doesn’t require me to do chores, because hey this is my time and that laundry can wait right there in that basket until tomorrow, because ah my time is limited here, okay!
ASK FOR HELP! Have the grandparents keep your little one while you go get your nails done, or the gym. This, is one thing that I struggle with. I have a real problem with asking for any kind of help, but I am learning to use my resources when I need them. You’d be surprised how one night out here and there will keep you refreshed. My son literally goes EVERYWHERE with me if I’m not at work. His father lives states away and my sister is in Florida and another in Hawaii. I don’t have the luxury of my mother watching my son, because she has brain damage and my father works hectic hours as a chef and my list of people that I trust to watch him is about the size of a thimble. So when you see me, you’ll see my son all the time, ALL THE TIME. I am learning to ask my grandmother every now and then so I can just get a breather and of course she doesn’t mind as much as I thought she would. I’m also about to start the daunting task of a sitter for date nights, (shreeeek), but hey, mama still needs a life!
Finding that balance is not only healthy for you but for your child as well. One it’s less stressful for you and then your kid gets so see that curve-balls don’t stop you from chasing your dreams. Honestly, there is no one size fits all and even the best of us don’t really have it all together. You just find what works for you and this is not to say that you won’t ever be on the brink of losing your shit once you find your balance, because you will. It’s life, but you learn to find your rhythm. Oh yes, and wine please!
jasminecdyer 